Phil Perkins Photography

Tag: comedy

  • Time for Change

    Earlier, I stopped in at a nearby grocery store to shop for ingredients to make my world famous spaghetti. Well, it’s really only known locally – so, small world famous? Hmm… Whatever the case, Sriracha Sauce continues to be unavailable in the area. Oh, and I purchased some lottery tickets.

    As usual, I was second in line at the customer service counter, waiting behind an elderly woman going through the process of returning an item. Apparently, there were complications, and, once concluded, she forgot to take her bag. Fortunately, there were no coupons or checkbooks involved, so the wait wasn’t too long.

    Of course, I’d like to win the lottery, but I was also there to make change. So, I purchased $5 worth of tickets and handed the cashier a $20 bill. She printed the tickets, put my money into the cash register, closed the drawer and handed me a $5 bill as change.

    “Hey, I gave you $20. You owe me $15”. She shot me a suspicious glance, as if questioning whether or not I was trying to pull the wool over her eyes, then reopened the register to remark, “Oh, you’re right. I accidentally put your $20 bill into the $10 slot”. We chuckled and I smiled, until she put another $5 bill on the counter, adding “Here you are. Sorry about that”.

    I said, “Hey, hey, that’s only $10, now…you still owe me another $5″. Momentarily dumbfounded, she added another $5 to the mix and, finally, we were square. As I turned to begin shopping, I thought to myself…

    the third time is the charm!

    Geez.

  • Knight Television

    Knight Television

    Armor-clad with shield, this knight traveled for many days across a hot, barren desert, in order to audition for the lead role in an upcoming medieval television mini-series. However, when he arrived, the set was in a state of chaos. Time to hire a new agent! In the meantime, you can enjoy great gift & apparel items available in these shops:

  • A Clip of Comedy

    A Clip of Comedy

    Regarding lawn care, homeowners commonly experience procrastination. And that’s understandable, after all, as hours on the weekend represent more valuable time. By the same token, it’s also true that most people are happier with the appearance of well cared for yards.

    So, I’ve come up with a nifty solution for this dilemma by inventing a new product, which combines the technology of a metal detector with a weed whipper. This way, I can keep my lawn looking good and at the same time make some spare change on the side!

    © 2022 Phil Perkins

    PHOTO CREDIT: modified photo from pexels.com.

  • A Stitch of Comedy

    A Stitch of Comedy

    It was a comfortable three weeks beyond my annual ironing day when I discovered that one of my five shirts was missing a button. Steamed, I grudgingly set about to undertake the dreaded process of repair – finding time and a spare button, scissors, needle and thread.

    After what seemed like an eternity, I secured a new button snugly into place and donned my shirt. Despite efforts to closely follow directions, however, it quickly became apparent that things had gotten all fouled up…

    How could I have sewn the button on the left side of my shirt?!

    Rather than start over, undoing everything I’d already accomplished, I chose instead to simply cut another buttonhole into the other side of my shirt – after all (I thought), once it’s buttoned, who’ll know the difference?

    © 2022 Phil Perkins

    PHOTO CREDIT: modified photo from unsplash.com.

  • A Sip of Comedy

    A Sip of Comedy

    Today, under the burden of inflation, everyone is trying to save money. In fact, I’ve gone as far as to stop washing my coffee cup! As a result, it’s become very stained. Yet, looking at the bright side of things, I’m now only making coffee half as often – every other day, I simply fill my cup with hot water to bring out the flavor…

    © 2022 Phil Perkins

    PHOTO CREDIT: modified photo from unsplash.com.

  • Word for the Day

    Once again, it’s Friday the 13th 👻 Hence, today’s word is: triskaidekaphobia.

  • Wednesday, Already?

  • A Glass of Sand

    A Glass of Sand

    I’ve heard it said before, that, I’m so hungry that I could eat a horse! However, to this day I’ve not heard anyone exclaim, I’m so thirsty that I could drink a glass of sand! Not particularly thirst-quenching, I guess.

    However, you can still enjoy a glass of sand on prints, gifts and apparel, when you visit the following shops:

    Thanks very much!

  • Haiku

    Haiku

    I think I've got something!
   What is it?

A haiku.
   God bless you!

No, it's a poem.
   Have you had it long...is it contagious?

    Like the common cold
    It is nothing to sneeze at
    – words may serve to heal

    © 2022 Phil Perkins

    PHOTO CREDIT: modified photo from unsplash.com.

    See lyrics here → On the Road to Find Out, by Cat Stevens (1970)

  • Humor: A Long Day

    Humor: A Long Day

    After a long day of hiking in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee, I was exhausted, hungry, and still several miles away from my vehicle parked at the trailhead. So, I decided to call a cab for a ride back. Fifteen minutes later, this vintage 1920’s Cadillac taxi arrived – with no driver. Unfortunately, the keys were neither in the ignition nor tucked under the visor…alas.

  • Planetary Reflections

    When I woke up early this morning, to my great surprise, I observed that Planet Saturn had somehow been relocated inside of my computer, reflecting on the motherboard and featuring a vibrant green coloration?! I thought to myself – this can’t be…I must be imagining things – and so, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

    Later, I discovered that my computer was working as expected, and that the only evidence of this surreal scene could be found in the following shops, on a variety of cool merchandise…

  • An Irish Riddle

    An Irish Riddle

    The Question

    Can you cite an example of a sentence which uses the word “and” consecutively, five times in a row?

    The Story

    In Dublin, Ireland, there was a pub known as the Bear And Boar. One morning, following a powerful storm, the sign from that establishment was found broken, scattered in shambles across the ground. So, the proprietor set about to make repairs.

    Some time later, a patron wandered along and was greeted by the owner. “Good day, Finnegan. How do you like our new sign?” Finnegan studied the sign for a spell, then responded…

    The Answer

    “I like the new sign just fine. However, if it were up to me, I would’ve left more spacing on the sign between the words Bear and And, and And and Boar.”

    Author ~ Anonymous

    🍀 🍻 🇮🇪

    Erin go Bragh

    PHOTO CREDIT: modified photo from unsplash.com.

  • Because It’s There

    Because It’s There

    Like the old saying goes about undertaking challenges: why did you climb the mountain? Because it’s there. You can go here – Redbubble, Society 6 and Pixels – to discover some great products and gift giving ideas for the upcoming holiday season, or anytime.

    Thank you!

  • Abstract 3D Heart

    Abstract 3D Heart

    I gave her my heart. Sometime later, we went our separate ways and she gave it back to me. Everything had changed so quickly – it felt surreal. Taking precautions, doctors were shocked to observe that my heart closely resembled a textured, three dimensional structure, something akin to having been designed with Affinity Photo and Filter Forge creative software…🤪

    You can find gifts & apparel items here: Redbubble, Pixels, ArtFlakes.

  • Kitchen Comedy

    Kitchen Comedy

    In the kitchen, yesterday, with graphic effects added this morning. 👽 If you enjoy laughter, then you should try my lasagna…